Someone pointed out that a recent interest online is all the funny stories that go on and there called “Only in Israel” aka OII stories. Now our Husband has had many encounters with builders and there “Only in Israel” attitude. You might ask what’s this got to do with “Husband, happy Wifey”? The answer is from every story we tell the entertainment contains important lessons. Israel is a holy land and to keep this book from getting political or religious we shall just simply say living in Israel is a struggle and these stories of “Only in Israel” don’t take away all the unbelievable advantages of living in the Holy land, rather the struggle our Husband has living here helps us appreciate this important spiritual and physical gift. Even the builders of this holy land had ancestors and a powerful place in their hearts and minds that yearns for a home that is eternal and fulfills all our deepest needs and aspirations. However, due to the chaotic temperament of these recent generations and all the tension surrounding the struggles of being in the holy land, there has been created Builders that we must call “Only in Israel”.
Our Wifey was more than excited to finally have a home in the Holy land that she can call her very own. Our Husband was excited to make Wifey happy with this prospect, but he also knew this meant some renovations and the dreaded call of a Builder to come achieve this. The agent who had found their new home also recommended highly a builder that had recently built her home. They met the Builder bob and he smiled with assurance of 100% best service and guarantee. Little did they know that his recent new work had created a short fuse which almost burned down the agent’s apartment? And the Sukkah balcony/which is formed with big metal posts with holes in between, had holes a little too big and a neighbor of the agent fell through the gaps and was almost crippled for life, G-d save us all.
Anyhow, our Husband went ahead with Builder bob aka Moishklah and slowly the plans for this palace that had to be fit in an apartment of 50 meters or less. Well living in Jerusalem the place expands as brought in our holy texts, however, that doesn’t come with architect and builders. So the first place to begin was opening up this small space to have more light and air. Ripping up the floors and redoing the piping and electrics of course promised by Builder bob all 100% best quality with eternal lifespan and the money to match the expense. Fortunately, our Husband had just inherited some extra money and done some successful fundraising deals with kind generous people so everything was paid for. Wifey was obligated in her few precious free moments to keep an eye on developments.
The contract was one piece of paper that definitely should have been more professionally prepared with pages of conditions and fixed time scale for the whole project. However, “only in Israel” the Builder bob did what he could do to insure our Husband believed him with minimal words and power to enforce this 3 month plan. You see our Husband and Wifey were renting a place which they needed to leave in 3 months, otherwise there would be big costs and Builder bob assured “don’t worry 100% this will be done way before then”. The next door neighbor of this new home noticed Builder bob and hired him on the side to do some work on a new balcony. So begins Builder bob with 2 projects instead of one and up and down in the middle of Wifey’s visit asking his co-workers, where is Builder bob. They pointed downstairs working on someone else’s house. “What’s going on?” asked Wifey “100%” answered Builder bob. More and more money was needed for unexpected 100% best quality materials for the house.
Time was moving and Bill and Ben the flowerpot men Builders bob’s workers were enjoying the free time they got when their boss was downstairs with the other job. Now Bill and Ben were slowly destroying any parts of furniture our Husband had begun to store in the new home with real Clutz Maisers/ Yiddish for clumsy deeds. Builder bob response was 100% “donkeys get on with the work”, but no offer of replacing or fixing any of the damage. Now our Husband whose midnight schedule didn’t allow him to keep enough an eye what was going on also made the mistake of saying to Builder bob how important it was in his role in life to see the good in what others do.
Builder bob smiled and responded 100% “now can I have more money thanks”. Slowly and quickly the 3 month deadline had passed, but thank G-d except for missing toilet, lights many other important necessities, Builder bob responded with come move in 100% all will be ready in no time. One month later our Husband and Wifey and children were going out of their minds with Bill and Ben using their house to eat, wash and relax and Builder bob’s assurance 100% “almost there” with a few crazy fights breaking out between our Wifey and Builder bob. Our Husband decided on drastic action paid him the rest of the owed money and said “see you later”! Builder bob reminded our Husband all 100% guaranteed and then the fun began. To be continued OII!…